mydaysasawageslave.com

It's a great day. It's sunny. Girls look good. I'm still listening to Rose Tattoo.

But I have to pass the next few hours in the company of my fellow wageslaves, pretending I'm interested in being here whilst making the company profit.

This morning's meeting was better than usual. 2 people handed in their notice. (Well one of them could have been fired and told to tell everyone she was leaving of her own accord. That happens all the time here too).

Then just before lunch Igor, the unmerciful henchman to our boss, No.1, sent out a really angry email. Full of capital letters, a totally alpha male thing to do. You could tell he was swearing when he wrote it. It went...

"FOR THE SECOND TIME IN A MONTH…………SOMEONE HAS LEFT A TAP RUNNING IN ONE OF THE BATHROOMS DOWNSTAIRS.
 
FOR THE SECOND TIME IN A MONTH…………THE KITCHEN HAS BEEN FLOODED AND SOMEONE ELSE HAS HAD TO CLEAN UP….
 
ENOUGH!! I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE TO SAY ANYMORE ABOUT THIS……….UNDERSTOOD??"

classic stuff.

It's subject line said "AND NOW I'M REALLY PISSED!!!!'

Like the tagline to a bad Rambo sequel or something.
Or an admission to pre-lunch drinking sessions. (ah they were the days!)

Now I agree that running flooding the toilets is kind of bad news and all, but when you think it was probably one of the marketing girls, leaving the tap running to drown out the sound of crying or bulimic heaving or something, you can't get too wound up about it.

So anyway, I've decided to progress further with my fantasy life.
Following the lead of the MD of a Dublin packaging design company I know of, who collects pictures of 'perfect' male body parts, I'm going to get myself a better body.

Online, without ever going to a gym or beach or whatever.

The new me will be fitter, happier, more productive. So to speak.

Only I'm not doing it cause I'm a seriously repressed married man (Bill?)

I'm doing to get a better life.

Better living through apathy.

Yeah!

So there I was listening to Rose Tattoo who I started to describe as a working man's, barroom version of AC/DC. Then i realised I was describing AC/DC. So I stopped trying to describe them.

Angry Anderson, their singer, was in the 3rd Mad Max film.

He also sang Kylie and Jason's wedding song in Neighbours.

I like them because they make me feel good about hating my job.

They're also a bit right wing at times but then again so is my sister.

In a totally unrelated jump I've also done a good bit of online research whilst stuck here in my cubicle which I felt I had to share.

I came across (not literally) a group of charming pakistani lads whilst looking for the Usual Suspects.

And then I found loads of really scary pictures of Americans that kind of reinforce why the world hates them.

But then I suppose there's something naively charming about these kind of pictures too, in that many Americans seem to accept things at face value and don't see the sinister subtext that I do. Or realise why people mightn't like them.

Anyway, I'm off to look for second hand postcards in charity shops on my way home today. I'm going to try and imagine what kind of better life I could have.

and listen to some more Rose Tattoo.

mydaysasawageslave.com

While I'm on the subject of going postal, there's been this weird guy renting a cubby hole of a cubicle in the attic here for the last 2 months.

No one really knows who he is or what he does. I've passed him on the stairs a few times but after he ignored me the first couple of times, I stopped saying hello to him.

He just came in off the street and put down a month's cash up front on the office, so no one seemed to know anything about him or his background.

So anyway, last week a mate called in to one of the designers here and was all freaked out at the fact he had passed the guy in the attic on the stairs.

"what's that guy doing here? You do know he's a total psycho? Jesus, he works here now? Doing what?"

"Er, we don't really know." Tom the wageslave said. "He kind of stays in there all day with the door closed. You can hear the radio going all the time too."

"...yea the receptionist reckons he doesn't get any calls or mail or anything for his business either so we don't know. And apparently he's never let the cleaning ladies in either. He even changed the locks on his door." I added conspiratorially.

"Exactly. He's a fuckin' nut. I 'm telling you!" friend of Tom the wageslave continued. "I was around at a friend, Dave the Dealer's house a couple of years back and next thing this guy turns up at the door with a huge wad of cash, looking to buy drugs. Dave totally freaked out. Told us to hide in the bedroom until he could get rid of the guy. He gave the guy some lame excuses that he was out of stock and all. Gave him the last of his personal stash but wouldn't take any money of the guy.

Afterward we where all asking him what that was about. The guy we saw was this little well spoken fella. Not the kind of person who'd usually unsettle an old school dealer like Dave.

Then Dave told us that a few months before, he met the guy on the street with a friend. They were chatting away, when the guy took a phone call. He got real agitated and finished the call. Next thing he looked around, picked up a rock off the side of the road, walked over to some old lady he'd never met before and smashed her in the head.

The boys were totally stunned. The guy just starts laughing, asking them did they see that. They just ran off. Left her there bleeding. Dave reckons the guy is some psycho rich kid who hates his parents. A bad news, cold fucker. He had been avoiding him 'till that night.

And I'm telling you, that's the same fucker you got upstairs in the attic!"

We all went quiet for a while. Looking around shiftily, kind of freaked out until Niall, a wageslave from accounts, broke the silence... "So this friend of yours, Dave the Dealer... he's sells drugs then does he?"

Nice, I thought, I'm going to die.

At work.

How depressing.

mydaysasawageslave.com

this week I learnt something.

I learnt that security is essential if the wheels of industry are to continue rolling.

I learnt that I should be more expressive and creative for the company.

I learnt that I should be more loyal to my company

I learnt that I must think of myself as a 6 letter word beginning with 'W' and ending with 'R'.

I work in marketing and this is my story.

The week got off to a bad start. I skipped the 8.30am Monday morning meeting with a sense of purpose, using the George Costanza method of avoiding contact with fellow workers.

George (out of Seinfeld) is a God among wageslaves. Whenever someone looks like they may be on to the fact you are slacking off or even hopelessly out of your depth, just bang the table in frustration, mutter to yourself and curse the lack of hours in the day to do your work. It's usually guaranteed to keep away busy bodies who fear and respect such aggressive levels of work related dedication. Or maybe they fear you'll be going postal any minute.

So when everyone comes out of their meeting, I make sure sure I am seen slaving over a desk ranting to myself. People usually presume I have been too busy to attend. As opposed to just having woken up.

I learnt that someone else was leaving too.

so there you go.